It's 9:38pm here, but more importantly it's 5:38am in Barcelona right now. The world turns round and round. Businesses worldwide that never sleep, like gears are meshing together, pushing for the upper hand, cooperating for reasons of profit. Two gears, very large in the computer industry are meshing together in Madrid, Spain. One is Microsoft, from which I have this software to type, and the other is Hewlett-Packard, the largest slice of the Server industry pie since their merger with Compaq. If one were to examine these gears of business up close, there would be people sewn together into a giant tree. Many find themselves spinning at the very edges.

Microsoft IT Forum 2005

Ahh, yes. Spain. The second day of Microsoft IT Forum 2005. What is it?

Microsoft's European conference for IT professionals on planning, deploying and managing the secure connected enterprise. Offering more than 3,000 IT professionals and Technical Decision Makers, three full days of rich technical content and a year's worth of solutions, Microsoft IT Forum 2005 represents a major part of Microsoft's commitment to delivering the technology and support that European IT professionals need to deliver business value to their companies and customers.

Stage during conference welcome speech Broad view of the stage before keynote
Some photos before the keynote speech

Among all this excitement is a keynote speech. Two actually and both given by vice presidents, but one of them; one of them will be turning a gear I know too well.

Enough drama!

There are 10 million servers with the name ProLiant. That's 10 million servers produced as of 2005. The software that makes the keynote presentation work for these servers was solely my creation, and it's tearing me up inside. If I fail, like a toothpick I will snap, and after a little jerk the gears will keep turning. If I succeed, there is no trophy, no bonus, no affection or interest to be gained.

I am the tooth of this gear; I am at the very edge; the point where they mesh. I see the gears pushing and the gaps closing. What will happen? How can anyone understand this pain? I thought most people in this position got there because they wanted it. I made it here because no one else did want it, but I was less fearful. I imagine being able to describe this pain, but you will not understand. This is a complete surprise.

If I had seen the end from the beginning I would have said no, I am just a student, wait until I begin my career, then mesh away. A person has to choose when to step out of innocence. This step is fearsome, foreboding and forbidden; how could anyone steal that choice away from another? But the past is gone. Here I stand meshing in the gears, wishing I could have a friend to run away with, to forget Spain and big companies.

I am only a bystander, an extra, no influence on the script, every consequence of the script having a dramatic effect upon me. I paint the pictures I wish I could see. If only I could see these gears meshing, then I could find a gentle landing, and not be crushed, or surprised.

On the up side, the guy presenting my part is a twin of one of the aliens on X-files. Or the alien bounty hunter shape-shifter! See!

Picture of Bob Muglia on stage discussing WS-management (then in its infancy)
Bob Muglia!

Only an ice pick to the back of the neck can kill one of these. Oh wait, here's our one chance at it.

Bob Muglia looks back at the screen as they throw the switch to test my IPMI provider with WS-man alerts.
Throwing the switch!

Scary. If someone read this they would know how scared I feel about all this. So now you know how I felt about it. I'll be okay with sharing with you at least, but only as long as you aren't an alien or alien bounty hunter.

The Houston Science Fair

I did a Science Fair project in high school which was very fun. It was called Slippage and Grippage. Everyone thought it was really awesome. I placed locally and then showed it off at the Houston fair. Only one problem. Everyone walking by in the Houston fair was not impressed. I was caught in the dream everyone else had of me. One step further into reality, and it all evaporated. I shouldn't be so hard on myself. I'll believe anything you tell me for at least a little while. I have to get my laundry.
—Till Next Time!