Writing day 9 of my journal. After school is done!!
Today was the Luau for Young Single Adults. I helped setup yesterday. I hung lots of the lights, and I painted several portions of a mural they hung on the wall for decoration. I got lots of compliments from the people about how good my painting was. On to the Luau where there's food, entertainment, and dancing.
Oh, I can't seem to separate a dance with great pain. There's so many girls I know I might want to meet, but no trick I've learned convinces me to go up and introduce myself. It feels just like lying because I can never represent who I am, and as an added benefit at the dance I have to practically yell just to talk to them, which I hate so much. I see a dark picture at the dance, as though a timeline of all faults is displayed in one night's activity. The rude and selfish seek to benefit from weak will in others. There are those who have found friends and seem oblivious to those who have not. There are so many lonely, some standing among friends are more so than those who are happy to stand alone. There are those who have found their niche who only wish to fix those who have not by assigning a niche. There are those hoping for the sea to calm, and wonder at why jumping into the sea would help calm it. Against better judgment, they are flung into the sea, and find exactly what they feel. A sea without chance for rest or peace.
The pain which is written in my heart is to cure another heart. This is the most rational explanation of the worst things I face.
Let me tell you about the painting. I started by painting these two huts. I had an outline to go off of. I was told it should be a silhouette. So I started painting them all black. Boy it looked ugly. I stared at the ugly thing which I just created. I couldn't paint black any more, not after seeing that. So then I painted the volcano outline brown. That looked OK. But underneath it were two butt-ugly houses. But by working and finding help from those who came to help, we completed most of the painting. By then the other two murals, done as silhouette's successfully, were looking far the better.
When I have no one who can help me with a problem, there are a few possibilities. It is possible that everyone else who had that problem was either killed by it, or had to block the problem entirely out of their mind in order to survive. Or there are other possibilities, such as all the people with this problem suddenly mutated into cats and lizards, and that's why these animals seem to be the only ones who understand the problems I face. Actually, even the cats and lizards who aren't mutated humans would understand. Cats can relate because a long time ago, in a galaxy far away an Egyptian prince made a deal with cats that they would worship cats, and in return the cats would be more understanding and therapeutic. And when has a cat done anything, except for the sole purpose of being worshipped? As for lizards, years of evolution have helped them camouflage so well now they face extinction by being stepped on.
Conversation topics in force
I am confronted with the task of writing down lots and lots of conversation topics. I am inspired by an impossible challenge of dating a girl that I can't seem to carry on a single conversation with. After this I want to look her in the eyes and ask her on a date. I will not waste this material on a woman I am not interested in.
So you know how cats show affection?
- What do you think a kiss would be?
- What would a hug be?
- How does a cat say "here let me help"?
- How does a cat say "I'm really having a good time" or "You are spoiling me so much, so don't stop"?
- How does the cat say "Oh, now that's too far"?
- How does the cat say "I surrender"?
- Rolls on its back
- How does the cat say "I'm tired"?
- Sleepy eyes?
- How does the cat say "More please"?
- Licks chops
- How does the cat say "Thanks"?
- Rubs, purrs
- How does the dog say "I'm so excited"?
- Run, jump, lick, bark
- How does a dog say "hello, what did you have for dinner yesterday"?
- Sniffs butt
Two unselfish people
Did you know two perfectly good unselfish people cannot make a relationship work? Here, I can prove it. Think of the most unselfish personality: Always knowing and perceiving the desires of others and then bringing others happiness in spontaneity.
Now imagine a girl with that persona. Being good, she is smart in the most practical sense. She is firmly convicted of how truly valuable this goodness is. But that's just it. She never makes it that far in any relationship because she knows deep inside the guy who pursues her must be greedy to want to date such a perfect person — all vanity aside of course. She would marry unselfishly were it not for the practical smarts which helps her knows better — her partner must be equally yoked.
So her and a boy with similar qualities live happily enough separately, until they meet and are ever so sad afterwards.
They know well that marrying someone of so much value would be very greedy, and with perfect unselfishness, she or he cannot convince herself or himself to do it.
Both are smart and see the tremendous value in the other, but both are
two unselfish to ask or even fight to have each other.
I think there is only one answer in this world. Both must decide to do something terrible, which is to pursue each other. Even when they begin their pure nature will fight them, even destroy them as they try to commit just one horribly selfish act, certain to break many hearts, certain to inspire hatred and disgust, and most likely bring the world itself to an end.
- What's the difference between being scared and excited?
- A smile.
- What's the difference between being angry and naughty?
- Again a smile.
- What's the difference between being angry and sad?
- Your pretty eyes.
- I really liked when you...
- It's not often that someone so beautiful is so...
- Even a bee will protect you thinking you're his honey.
- Stop teasing me with your eyes, I can hardly think what to say now.
- Stop dreaming about me, your just make me feel blush. I'm so embarrassed.
- Boy you're forward, I can't believe you'd act this way with a guy you barely knew.
- After having met you, I suspect you're the nicest person you've ever met. OK, probably the second nicest person after me. It would be a tie, but I resist my urges to tease and torture while clearly you just love it. In fact, I am starting to think you're the meanest person I've ever met! — Playing with my emotions as though it were a toy.